A Big Understanding

After receiving so much curses all these years and wonder who is the one behind that is wanting my life;

Finally I get the Big Picture of the Whole issue!!!!

This person do all the right thing of politics and one of the smarter one, I would say.

But for some reason, I saw darkness in his face and I had a scratchy feeling about him that I don't understand!!!

As the curse come strongly on me using my latest disposed pads, as my top of brain was flattened like a flat top, when I think of who is behind all these curses, finally his name was revealed to me and I was not surprised due to the years of scratchy feeling that I had whenever I saw him in the news!!!

Lord said that of the 2 witches, I saw one of them recently!!! He was the one pretended as a cab driver and questioned my life and about my sexual life!!! The other one Lord said Seng will know!!!

Initially when I exposed the curse, there was strong silence on this end!!! Those who make noise usually, quiet down like a church mouse.

But when they see no action against them, they celebrated in relieved!!!

But what that came on me was an urgency to destroy my brain!!!

I finally know why!!! 

At first I thought was ancient enemy of great grandpa that we had no clue. 

Then as Seng came on the scene, I thought it's about stoping he and me coming together!!!

But now with the never beforehand of trying to stop me somehow, I see the greater picture!!!

As Lord give me plan how to deal with the spirit men, and what knowledge to share with Seng and his team, I finally see how things coming into place!!!

Never would I know about being curse so long and see how TB Joshua team of wise men dealing with darkness and conquer them by the Holy Fire, I would learn their mode of Operand that is useful in the current issue that is lingering still!!!

Never would I know, I used to be a simple housewife, Lord would fish me out to involve one of the spiritual battle that would change the perspective of things!!!

Lord said I have to go through such before His Open Door!!!

To help the one that caught my heart and his family's families!!!

This is an undeserving Favour given to me!!!

No wonder darkness want to stop me!!!

It's a shaking of the Government body so that the bad will be shaken off!!! 

A time of Great Shaking!!!

I am still Alive

I thank God that He is Real and the God Most High as the Bible proclaimed!!!

It was the 2nd time I faced Darkness that came to claim life!!!

Long ago, ex was sucked almost dry of blood and darkness tried to claim his life, but Lord saved him!!!

This morning, they who are evil, tried that on me!!!

I don't know what kind of spirit they dumped on me in my sleep but as I awoke, the witch through spirit repeated all that I had said to me and blame me that I caused them to suffer due to that!!!

Then a strong attack came on top of my brain!!! Through pray in the Spirit, and called upon the Lord, I was cleared!!!

Then when that attack didn't get me, Darkness came! I called upon Lord Jesus and Arch Angel Micheal to come and help me!!! I rebuke Lucifer by the Authority of The Lord!!! Eventually Darkness depart too!!!

The spirit came a few times to accuse me of affecting their lives!!! I, who don't know them, how to affect??? It's they who attack me and now come to blame me. No wonder Proverbs said don't reasoned with fools as they won't understand!!!

I thank God for the miracle of 5 loaves 2 fish!!! No matter how they tried to suck away my blood, Lord always replenished!!!

I thank Lord that He is Real and a Great Help in time of need!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

If you can, please pray for me!!! Thanks!!!

PS:
Seng, thank you for sending someone to check on me!!!

Now I finally know why they don't want me and Seng come together!!!

My years in dealing with them plus his ability to handle his job is the answer!!!

Lord said they knew it all the while and thus is stopping. For if the truth is know, they have no power over JESUS finished work!!! Glory Glory!!!

That's why they don't want me to pray in the Spirit as that is the weapon against them!!!
Also, they have no power over the Blood of JESUS!!!
Also, by the God Words, they no power too!!!

The Longest Suffering Prayer

I didn't know that out of loving and don't want them to suffer the cumbersomeness added to their lives, I prayed a prayer to bless them!

Usually, if it was due to a curse set on them, I would get 1 time of revenge attack for that prayer!!! But this one is different!!!

1st the Urine
2nd the teeth, gum mouth
3rd a few days of painful biting line around my stomach region

Then just woke up and they found out what I had reported about what they had done to me!!!

Their evil spirit said because of what I said, they suffer!!!

These evil people never blame themselves that it's them with evil thoughts and did evil things and wanted people to suffer and keep silence about what they did!!!

But you caused me much pain and these few days keep attacking my brain with pain, memory affected and also just now the reasoning area!!!

If you could just live within your means and don't be greedy and harm others, what is there for others to say???

From all these attacks on me, you want to access the throne but got exposed and keep coming at me!!!

It only mean your evilness is a lot more than other witches that vent their anger once!!!!

You can't let go of harming me, guess you want me to stop prayer healing for others so you can do your evil deeds!!!

Fat Hope!!!! JESUS Name Greater than all your names and by the Blood of Jesus all the evil spirits shall be cast to the Pit of Hell!!!

Hope that Singapore will be free of you all so that peace can return!!!

Glad that you are being exposed!!! Can't imagine what will happen if you are in control!!!

Lord said you killed many and your cup of sin is Full. By the Almighty Right Hand of JESUS, you shall be judged!!!

You better repent and return to God Almighty!!! What you suffer, let His Cross settle for you!!! God loves you!!! You are forgiven once you return to Him and sin No More!!!!

Stop blaming others for what you had done!!!

No more Grace left if you continue evil!!!

PS:

You send Darkness to claim my life but sorry, I have accepted Christ and my name written in the Book of Life and erased from the Book of Hell!!! You have no power over the God in me!!!

Frustrated The Holy Spirit

Some legalistic people might still believe in the Great Sin of Disobeying The Holy Spirit. I shall write of my experience that it is Not True!!!

God is the God of Reconciliation.

As such, when we return to obey, that's Very Good, He will say!!!

In my initial first taste of Healing that Lord was showing as a young healer in training, Lord wanted me to go Clementi, in the far West, just a station away from Jurong East on the MRT to heal WK's ex mother-in-law (mil).

At that time, the furthest I had travelled was the city. A 30 min by train.

It was Tuesday, early in the week! Lord instruction was go and heal her!!! It was a immediate action to follow!

I told Lord I would go on Sunday! As Sunday I will be in the city, in church for service and I thought from city to the West, was a lot closer than my Far East of my home.

Lord's Presence left me!!! He is always with me that when He left, I know!!!

So I apologised to Him and promised to go immediately!!!

When I come into obedience again, Lord brought the Mil to the Far East!!! One station from the end of the NE line.

I went to meet the Mil, Lord came through to Preach in Superb Perfect  Teochew to her!!! Her knee caps were fully healed and she was happy!!!

This time round is the 2nd time I back off!!! And The Presence left!!! As it wasn't a command to follow, I don't know why He back off!!!

Then He asked of will I accept Seng again, this one is easy and I answered 'yes'.

Then He asked again, will I let him do whatever he wants to do? I paused a moment. As don't know the implications of the degree of whatever he wants!!!

Then I know that no matter what, I have to go through it!!!

So, I told Him, 'By His Grace, it shall be Done!!!' I know whatever it is, be it my willingness or my emotions, I do need a Strong Doze of His Grace to push me through it!!!

I know His Yoke is Easy, His Burden is light!!!

After the let go, this is the only way I could submit to him and let His Grace enable me to take it all!!!

Lord's Way is not half way or 3/4 way. His is always Fully Completed like what JESUS had Finished at the Cross!!!

Just like the Mil that didn't know His Grace. At first, she only point to the pain in 1 leg!!! When she sensed the pain gone, she offered the other leg for prayer too!!!

This is a journey of recovery for Seng. So even he be careful of it or not, it's not a problem. He will Realise it is easy and pleasurable!!!

I know His Grace is enough!!!

I know Him well enough that He will not forsake me!!!

It will be a Holy Spirit connection and it shall be good!!!

Glory Glory!!!

Seng

Seng,

You really have Great Favour with The Lord!!!

To speak the truth, I really have decided to write you away from my heart after seeing so many emptiness!!!

But as I did that, Holy Spirit left His Presence in me and retreat to His Spirit Realm!!!

I really wanted Him to be back with me!!!!

And His Question is, am I willing to accept you again!!! And will I accept the agreement between us and let you have full access!!!!

It's upon I agreed to all that as I do not want to fight with God!!! I need Him more than He needed me!!!

So, I told Him by His Grace it shall be done!!!

It's not a big fight anyway. Just that I want to protect my peacefulness!!! I can't forever hold on to an emotion that cannot land and it's lonely!!!

But He pulled me back to Hope again!!!

So writing this post to comfort you that a Big Great God is looking after you more than me!!!

See you one day!!!

Shalom,
Stephanie

PS:
My waiver to the agreement was, how am I going to look you in the eyes after everything is over?

If we are in love with each other and the trust is there, it's a different issue.

But for me to go in without establishing the trust, it like a suicide mission for myself.

That's why I can understand why you need to establish that confident!

It's like when I got ex to try on me again to re-establish I can provide!!! The confident to be a woman again.

Just that I yet to know you personally, I don't know what to expect out of it!!!

Update (24/2/2015 11:05pm):
If I withdraw from Seng,
Lord's Presence withdrawn from me.

But if I stay hopeful to be with Seng,
The opposition voice out there were scolding me with vulgarity angrily!!!

Unexpected Treats

Sunday, as usual, I walked to the road to take my cab.

I saw a cab in waiting with lights flashing, it's a sight that is not common.

When I walked near, the passenger with smiling face got out and I was given time to flag the cab as I was still quite a distant from the road side. I got in the cab to a smiling driver. And I reached church in the cheapest fare!!!

I know the cab is a special arrangement for me as my seat wasn't hot at all!!! Consider there was a male passenger in it before me!!! Thanks!!!

Then after church met that lady that offer to help me get drink, even we never met!!! She paid for me and refused to accept my payment!!! Thanks!!!

The most surprising one is this morning church seat booking!!! I was telling the lady that I, Su, and WK used to like sitting in front of the camera and you know what!!!??? I got a seat in front of the camera!!!!

My eyes were wide opened in surprised when I went to the Star Website to check where my seat is!!!!

Oh my God!!!! 3 simple prayers that did not cause me great effort to pray, it is JESUS, whom should get the praise for the Healing offered!!!! And I got these favours!!!!

Thank JESUS, for Your Finished Work that makes all these healing possible!!!

Thanks for the favours given!!!! It's really undeserving!!! It's the Goodness of God, not me!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!!!

Why your efforts come to waste?

The different between man and woman, I guess for man, with the woman there to support you, you are glad.

For woman, we are emotional being. Being emotional being, we need constant feed on love!!! That's why weekly Pastor needs to feed his Sheeps with the Love of Christ.

For this world is negative, if love is not feed constantly, woman feel empty!!!

This is why woman look for strong man to be their supporting tower and their defense and their comforter!!!

Yes, through the effort of your team of men, I know your heart for me.

But, what a woman looking for??? Love without support and care mean nothing!

Why man fall? Adam kept quiet and let woman talk to the serpent. Even though he had all the knowledge, he did not warn Eve not to believe the lying serpent and even ate from the Tree of Good and Evil himself!!!

What is there for me to hold on? Beside knowing this guy might possibly in love with me, there isn't any concrete evidence!!!

I could take the whole issue as a joke, and I might be right too!!!

But your men did a good job to make me believe it might be so.

But no matter what, there wasn't a you from Begining till now to speak to me.

If all those around you can called me and traced me, I know you have all my details!!!

To have all my details and choose not to talk to me at all, just shows the support I want is not there!!!

I can't be loving someone that is not interested to even show up and talk to me.

To me, it only mean I am not good for you somehow!

And if to wait till I am transformed, wait till then I will see again! I won't promise you anything!!!

Giving up now is a lot better!!! Shredded some tears and asked Lord to fill me with His Love for me. At least, He will not forsake me and always with me!!!

My heart is in peace!!!

The Heart Beat of God

I thank Seng for leading me to know what love is!!! It is with this love that I could walk out the impossible!!! Glory Glory!!!

Many years ago, through a forum, I was led to believe the government has lots of companies under their possess and thus the jealousy of that arises!!!

Through Walking with Christ, I know the Government is ordained of God and I shall repect them. But even though, I believe so, I don't know how to come to peace with them!!!

As I walk in Forgiveness, they do test me with the City Harvest court case!!! As that is the problem of God, I don't bother too!!!

Then this Seng used cab drivers to convince me of his love for me. I started having feeling for him. Even though it was a controlled one.

Then in the news, I read Emeritus Senior Minister Goh CT just gone through prostate gland surgery and need to carry a bladder bag.

Then next is PM Lee HL had to gone through that!!!

With the love of Seng, it pained me to see the after surgery, the cumbersome handling of that bag, that might cause unsettled peace, wholeness of his wife and him. So I decided to pray a prayer for Lord to bless him a New prostate gland so that he need not be under the knife nor the bag.

Then just this weekends, news of MM Lee KY, suffered lungs diease and breathing by machine was out.

This man I had High Respect in my younger days, even to my 20s. So to see him in such a state shocked me a lot, a lot!!! I decided to pray to Lord to renew his lungs and all the rest of the major organs in his body!!!!

I want him to continue to enjoy his life, I don't want him to suffer!!!

With all these prayer of healing, and let my emotion slowly get it.

I realise whom I can't show love, I am actually loving them unconditionally!!!

And this loving man in his weakness unconditionally finally leads me to understand the Heart Beat of Love in God the Father!!!!

Finally, everything fall into place!!!

You see, it's not about how good or bad each of us is. Who has not fallen into sin before?

It's how after we have fallen, we dust our back and come back to God the Father, like the wayward son that want to be a servant in God's House!!! God wants Nothing of that but want to receive you back as His son!!!

To walk in the fullness of Christ is not to see what the devil had lead them into.

But to have a forgiving heart and show an unconditional love and patiently let the person; each and everyone of them, to know God the Father, love them through the Finished Work of JESUS.

As this is The Only Way that your sin can be forgiven and you are washed cleaned by the blood of JESUS to House God in you.

That on the Day of Departure from Earth, God in you will lead you Back to God the Father!!! For we whom spend time here on this Earth, have no clue where to go upon exit from here!!!

I thank Lord for leading me to be like Christ!!! Without using the love of Seng, I am not able to walk to this Fullness and I thank you for that!!!!

PS:
With this post out and the Neighbour talked on a phone and a strong tightening curse came upon me.

I used think they are from the government as the great authorities they had. Now I know they are not from the Government but someone given the authority to do whatever they like!!!

The 1st Sunday of CNY

Today, the sermon of God is to bring the focus back to JESUS for joy of heart instead of looking at things or man!!!

It really leads me to let go of my longing heart to be stable again!!!

I will let the name of Seng be a bypass and not bother about such person anymore!!!

When Pastor Mark sang, it touches me and that is what I need. Glory Glory!!!

My heart is peaceful now!!! Glory Glory!!!

Peace with Government because of the prayer of healing.

Peace with Siblings because of the great gathering.

Peace with Jc as she mixed well with her cousins.

Peace with myself because JESUS is with me!!!

It's not about any other thing. But this is where Lord leads me to be!!!

I will wait upon the Lord, till His Time to arise!!!

He said I will only be transformed when He come back!!! I Will wait upon Him!!!

I will draw from Him instead!!! What need to be seen or heard is done!!! Nothing more to add!!!

I will wait upon the Lord and do His Work instead!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

Dull from Attack

Since last prayer for the Great Man, strong attack has been on my stomach these few days and I suffered much!!!

Now just got to know his dad was pretty sick, I prayed a prayer of Restoration for him. But guess the devil found out and my poor brain of reasoning was under continuous attack!!!

I was feeling dull over the stomach pain and now the brain again!!!

But praise the Lord for His Faithfullness, all is done!!! Hallelujah!!! Amem Amen!!!

PS (22/2/2015): Today at the foodcourt in Star Vista, someone bought me a drink to know how I can tell the normal spiritual attack and those they sent to vent their anger after I spoiled their plan by the prayer.

Then just now the usual group that laugh at me, sometime his voice comes from the left side Neighbour or one floor above. He was commenting about my comment on how to tell the different in attack in the foodcourt!!!

They are not happy and the other person even shouted!!!

Guess they are from the friends of the curser!!!

They are the one, who would be very unhappy whenever I talked about Seng!!!

What a Start of the Year

I was meditating early in the morning when someone pour urine on my blanket curtain, which I used to cover my window!!!

Must be the other post about attacking my teeth and gum. These 2 days is to use animal spirits to shut my mouth tightly!!!

Also, my stomach is under painful and tightening attack!!!

Thank God that I don't trust Chinese New Year as the opening of my blessedness but I rather look at the Truth and Living God to bless me!!!

Otherwise, it would be consider a bad start for the year! But I know My God is Bigger than whatever they could do to me!!!

I don't care what they will do to me, but surprisingly, those neighbours that trace me is going even in Chinese New Year too!!! Poor them!!!

After 2 years of not much of a celebration, the atmosphere is kind of different!!! Guess fewer family together also much transformation to the reunion dinner that it kind of lost its favour somehow. Don't know the heart is tired or what?

Or because the fact that now there are no more parents to go to kind of make the situation like something missing!!!

Plus the disagreement of my mum treatments to now how to settle her house took it toll on us!!! There wasn't much of joy left!!!

I don't know how things going to pick up? I guess only the Lord could help!!!

Anyway, Happy Blessed Lunar New Year!!!

May the Year of Sheep, the Lamb of God shines high!!!

Glory!!! Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

The Truth

I now know that anything that is possible between Seng and me is only possible when I am renewed in age and highly blessed!!!

Currently, it is still his headache posture that were still fresh in my mind!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!! I trust the Lord will bring it through at the right time!!! Hallelujah!!!!

I praise JESUS is a real God and no one come as near as Him in Our Spirit realm to protect us!!!

If God wants me to live, who are you against His Will!!!

God don't work just in one way!!! It's not what you observed that can accessed His Grace!!! He did that to show you, who are ignorant that He is a God that moves!!!

But, if really the truth is known, even without worship or prayer, He still could come out to heal!!! Have He done that? Yes, He did it for me a few times!!!

He knows what He needs to convince those, who are still ignorant, what that could convince Him!!! Glory Glory!!!

God says I AM that I AM, the Burning Bush!!! I can easily burnt away all chaff!!!

Did the Children of Israel knows that the Destroyer is coming to kill the first born??
As they ate the roasted Lamb, their freedom is secured!!!

I have accepted JESUS and ate of the Roasted Lamb. My security is in His Finished work!!! Amen Amen!!!

Everytime I heard of them, they always say, 'she said she receiving the Blessing, where is the Blessing???

I have yet to hear her God, who promised to Bless her, who is He? I want to know Him so that I could be bless like her!!!

Men just want easy money!!! No work, freely take!!!! But what one can do with all the money if you have so much that you can throw into the air for fun?

Without wisdom of God, man just go crazy over money. Either you try to multiply and cheat the world to give you more, where is your sense of Peace and Happiness???

It is when you know a God, so Almighty but choose to come down to earth to be the tiny of His Creation, to help them walk Righteously to secure the gift of Righteousness of God FREELY but as we cannot walk a saint like life and have to go to hell,

He went to the Cross and died for each and everyone of us that He says, the work of God is to believe in whom He sent, JESUS Christ!!!

Purely by believing I have and walked so long and let Him use as a testimony of His Goodness!!!

No matter what you see of me is not important!!!

When He let enough people see, and the moment He removed your veils from your eyes, to see a tall, thin, sexy, young and youthful me, you will know it's Him and nothing about me!!!

Surely it is good!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

Blessed Lunar New Year and may you open your eyes to see the Real Blesser instead of seeing whom He blessed!!! Go Know Him and Trust in Him!!!

Let go of pride of self to come before a Big, Big God to humble down to His Greatness!!!!

By the way, your curse did not kill my dad!! In his hopelessness, he said he want to return to his god, and he could eat and shit till the last day!!! Even could ask for sex from my mum!!!

Even he was a Christian, he chose the devil and devil came to contest for his soul!!! But Lord protected him and told me to go down here to pray for him!!! Since he wished to die, the Angel of Death came to bring him back to God and he was happy!!! So, the curse you trusted so much didn't work on him!!!

Your medicine did weaken my mum but you did not kill her!!!

She prayed to JESUS to take her to be with my father and Su and me agreed with her!!! Then my dad came down to bring her up!!! Psalms 91 says that with Long Life, I Satisfied you!!! So it's up to her how long she wanted to live in that weaken body and she chose not!!! The Power of 2 and more and her prayer was granted by God, the Father!!! Glory Glory!!!

I told her to go to JESUS in her weakness as only JESUS could help her!!! She didn't die as Christ died for her!!! She just left her aged body and be young and healthy in the Lord, enjoying life closed to God!!! That's why she still could talk to me from the Cloud of Witness!!!

Gong Xi!!! Gong Xi!!!

The Joke of the Day is, you believe in one of His Creation, the Angels that had fallen from Heaven, could kill another of His Creation!!!

And He is looking at you with a pair of Loving EYEs and wonder when can He touch your Hearts so much that you Come Back to Him and Call Him, 'Abba, Father, I need Your Grace and Mercy! And Thank Lord JESUS for being Judged for my Sin debt!!!'

One that you cannot pay by your good work as without the shredding of Blood by the Lamb of God, your Good Work in Your Eyes is EVIL work in the EYEs of God!!!

He called that "Sanitary Pad"!!! That is how dirty He viewed your self proclaimed goodness!!! Why? Because Satan is the Chief of Pride. And if one is proud like him, it just mean one has chosen Devil over God!!!

Even one who dwelled in self pity is a form of Pride too!! As it is about self instead of God!!!

Curse

I don't know is it I prayed for a Great Man about his sickness or because of Seng???!!!

I got strong attack on my teeth, gum, jaw, my alertness and my neck!!!

If I did something I am not supposed to do, I don't know.

I guess the one who put the curse of sickness is not happy with the prayer of freedom!!!

I got a super strong on the way to church last Sunday that I encountered the fainting spell!!!

Today, since 5am, they are sending a lot again!!! As if don't want me to cook for the Reunion Dinner with my sibling family!!!

If sickness going to cause the one, whom loves me, his related family to suffer, instead of having a peaceful life, of course I prayed as Lord is God of Love and His Compassion Heart is for him, who don't know Him!!!

My part is to pray for those, who is suffering, when I got to know it!!!

How can I see suffering and close my eyes on the suffering??? I can't!!!

This is the training of the Lord to let me feel as if the one involved and when I felt it, how can I ignore??? I can't!!!

This is why I understand Seng and I know without trying, neither of us will know if we can endure or enjoy the process!!! Especially this is the area of his fear!!! It takes an encounter to let him Realise it's no big deal!!!

Just like my encounter with him in that telco service center that led my fear to be gone!!!

Life is when we went through hardship that eventually we grow!!!

Glory Glory!!!! Amen Amen!!!

The Hiss of The Serpent

After Seng quiet down from the taxi questioning, now the other group has started!!!

He said I am a naughty woman. I never even know I am one!!!

He also tried to understand my sexual nature and from there tried to guess why Seng likes me!!!

Actually, I also no clue why he like me. Only thing I could find in the bible is:

Proverbs 30:30
'A Lion which is the Strongest among beasts and
Does not Turn Away for Anything,'

If ever want to describe him and my encounter with his actions, the above verse fit him well!!!

Other then this, I have no clue!!!

The other group says it's BJ that he wants from me as most local girls won't know about it!!! But did he, the 'driver' knows I used to not fancy too!!! That's why I used to owe ex so much such Favour on the service he rendered to me!!!

Anyway, nothing that I could know as I yet to talk to him!!!

Surely, the best person to find out is from him and not from me. As he is the one whom first love me!!! As to why, will have to ask him when I know him!!!

All these they in the dark and I am in the light, what they are up to, only they themselves knows!!! But I can be sure that one group is professional tester while this group is not!!!

But whomever they are, I have no clue!!! Lord told me he is a witch, with a black cross on the taxi he drove!!! He parked here to talk to me!!!

And I found a verse that described the curses that comes on me well:

Proverbs 30:31
'... And a King
Against Whom There is No Rising Up.'

Now I know what they are up to from yesterday and today taxi drivers!!! They want to program that I am independent and don't need a man!!!

I thank Lord I have Him with me!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

PS:
Now I know why a man was on a lookout for the taxi, they thought Seng might sent!!!

Thank God I have the Lord with me!!! I can't imagine what would happen to me without the Lord!!! He is the Only One that would be faithfully be with me.

A Letter to Seng

Hi Seng,

Be Highly Blessed in the Lord!!!

This morning, while still pondering on your area of needs and the need to try on me, Lord gave me a better understanding in this area!!!

You see, part of the reason you like me, I guess is my willingness to satisfy my spouse, whoever he might be!

You looking for a gentle soul mate that will understand you and accommodate to your need.

But I understand there is an area of fear that you let the devil trapped you till you dare not go forward to pursue your dream girl till you noticed me and did a fish me out of that loveless marriage and slowly let me know there is a you out there!!!

I do not want to see you torment by this spirit!!!

Lord, this morning showed me that some men might be so fearful of what women might treat them that they rather killed the woman and then rape the lifeless body!!!

I am not implying you are so! You able to take the courage to come for me and tried to show me in many ways about there is a man out there loving me, shows that you put in much effort to get my attention!!!

However, I do not want to see you live in that fear forever!!! It is not healthy to establish a relationship with this fear!!!

Who know, you might be frightened that I might leave you and suspicious of whoever I come into contact too!!! So it is not healthy for you and your partner-to-be in the long run!!!

I rather you be free of this fear!!!

Whenever this fear arises, always pray to Lord, 'Lord, You do not give me a Spirit of Fear; but of Power, of Love, sound mind and self control'. You can add on 'I am the Righteouness of God in Christ Jesus'. Proclaim till the spirit left you and Shalom Peace comes into your heart!!!

Also, pray to Abba Father this, 'Abba Father, I do not know how to forgive those girlfriends that hurt me. Help me to forgive them fully!' Pray till Shalom Peace reign in you!!!

As you keep praying, it will be like the man who was addicted to porno and keep saying he is the Righteouness of God in Christ Jesus and one fine day he was set free!!! And occasionally when sin arises again, just confess the promise of God in His Words and see deliverance!!!

I will stand in agreement with you in all that you pray and I hope to see you free from the torment!!!

I thank you for trusting in me and see so highly of me!!! It's nothing about me but the Goodness of God in me!!! Praise Jesus!!!

May The Prince of Peace, be your Shalom Peace forever and ever more!!!

Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

Shalom,
Stephanie

Golden Boy Jade Girl

This morning, 12:06am, woke up with a spirit saying him and me are 金童玉女身and what's our birth date in Lunar calendar and that when we come together Singapore will be blessed!!!

I go yah dab yah dah!!! Wait till it really happen then talk about it!!!! Not even meet the man and all these men and their spiritual aids are thinking of all ways to create something out of nothing!!!

But based on the birth date given, I go check the Lunar Calendar, he born on the Sun open, 开曰, while I was born on the Sun close, 闭曰, the complete cycle from open to close, do have some Chinese logic!!!

Furthermore, I was on the first day of the month and he on the 10th day, together make a 11!!! Haha...

The most weird of all is, if really his birth date is as the spirit mentioned, that's was my previous marriage date!!!! Fate intertwined???!!!

I checked ex date and I think his behold the Sun, no wonder did not create a beautiful marriage but one that was could do!!!

Furthermore, the birth month of mine and his formed a perfect 10!

But the worst of him and me, we were both condemned in the most intimate moment of our life!!!

I was said to be a log and he was scolded till I think, the fact he is still single have to do with this!!!

Thanks to those story enactment, each time, the fear I faced at each stage was surfaced and I could pray to the Lord to clear till I am fully okay now!!! So I do owe him a favour!!!

From all that he had done, I could understand why he has not approached me yet!!! Not easy to walk out that trap that he enclosed himself in!!! I finally understand!!!!

I one time fall already took so long to get out!! He had gone through a few girlfriends, so the effect was a lot stronger than mine!!!

You, who are displeased, I hope through this sharing you would be more gentle to your partner!!!! parting need not be an anger outbreak!!!

My Divorce wasn't through quarrels but more about the cracks cannot be repaired and parting better than remain in a hopeless situation and be trapped in there!!!

We didn't quarrel at all that Jc had a had time understand why we parted!!! But eventually she understood and accepted it!!!

But even without quarrel, the emotional wound was that much!!! I can't imagine those who created a big scene just to vent the frustration!!!

I thank Lord He was and is and forever is with me and whatever situations I am in, He is always my Present Day of Help that through Him, there is Hope!!! Praise JESUS!!!

PS: Long Time ago, your driver asked is it okay to try out, my answer is yes.

With compassion kindness, I understand you!

But my nature, even with lots of training from the Lord...

Betrayed

I am a very forgiving person in that my anger won't carry over to the next day no matter what.

However, my heart is feeling super sad over this person!!!

So much so I have to pour out here and tears started to cloud my eyes!!!

Over the past one year, she has perfected her skill in saying scenario for my pity of her and main purpose is to reveal anything between me and him!!!

I am feeling super sad as she was able to speak through her teeth that she didn't do it at all!!!

But a person who is not guilty usually will be angry if an wrongly accusation are put through!!!

She could be so calm till I feel so sad for her!!!

It made me think where her heart has gone to??!!

JESUS time there is a Judas who sold Him for 30 denarius; I wonder how much I am worth!!!!

If friends, I could easily stop being their friend when Grace given runs out.

But my sister, how to???

The recent story she cooked out is the worst of worst!!! I had pity on her till Lord told me it was just another story of her!!!

I know those who against uses many ways to get something out of me!!! All they want to know is if Favour was given to me!!!

And maybe they forseen something, they tried real hard to move my neck out of position!!!

This sister, Lord said I faced many death situation because of her!!! So much so her cup of sin is full!!! And special Grace is given to her when blessing comes but the least as compared to my other siblings!!!

Even though I am not angry with her, I wonder how much could I trust her now!!!

Lord used withdrawal from ATM to explain His Redemption at the Cross long ago!!! But her husband tempted her away from meditation with Lord and now whatever she did, her husband kept telling her there is no condemnation in Christ!!!

That is why she keep digging and selling whatever she could get from me!!!

Lord, Abba, has Mercy on her, pull her back from darkness!!! I pray in the Name of JESUS!!!

The Other Man

Finally, in the Landscape, the other man is shaping up!!!

One that is so resourceful that he almost know me by the tips!!! I am amazed by his resourcefulness and convincing power!!!

Frankly, beside admiring him, I am wondering if I really want such a resourceful man in my life!!!

This is all moving to the blessedness; one that believing in the blessing and ex, who disbelieved!!!

As this man is pretty resourceful, all other men is blocked out by him, I guess!!! His Authority is what they could not overturn I guess!!!

As I gazed His Words, I will wait upon the Lord till His Manifestation!!!

I finally found in the bible that continues in glazing His Words is not lazy at all!!! It is still a work that is pleasing to His Eyes and supports His Will!!! I shall not be tempted by the World by His Grace!!!

The World has no hold on me, I am just moving by His Grace and looking to His Provision and not any man!!! Titles and Power has no hold on me!!! I move by Grace and is touched by truthfulness! Glory Glory!!!! Amen Amen!!!

I rest in His Peace and let the blessing comes when the time is ripe!

Basically, one need not test on my ability to spend as Lord blessing is so Great that it is visible!!! Lord won't let His Glory hide under the bed!!!

If I am still taking public transport and still shop in low cost place, basically I have yet to receive!!! Glory Glory!!!!

Lord is letting me walks away the temptation of this world!!! I walk in Love of Him and His Way!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!!

After a Week

After a few weeks of quiet and no cab and no news, his team that is coming against is curious.

From WK to neighbour's maid to talk about the reasoning about what I wrote here, basically, my guess is as good as them!!! I don't know too!!!

Maybe I am too easy to be hunted and when Lord said quitted, he really quitted???

But my friend side is telling me guy of 50s can go for girls 30-40s while girls of 40s no market value!!!

Eldest sis is like his team, commented I don't have the body and the money, no value!!! But she asked without Jc, how am I going to spend my old age!!!

Another question that if I cook!!! It seem with food readily available, this question is from someone that miss mum's cooking!!!

Yes, I good in cooking and I could recreate food!!! Ex loves his mum Swedish Meatballs but as here is too far away for her to send to him, I recreated it and at first he said not like his mum's. But over the years, he grew to like my recipe and wanted me to write it down for him!!

His initial try wasn't good at all!! I had to tell him the steps of ingredients to add in that eventually he got it right!!! He is a good cook and I enjoyed some of his cooking!!! But sadly, he refused to share his recipe with me!!!

Come to food, we were flexible, sometimes I cooked, sometime he and sometime when we too tired to cook, we ordered delivery!!!

I know for man, sex and food are the main thing they go for!!!

For Seng, I really no clue as I can't even read his heart as I do not know him in person.

As for age, long time ago when I said my ship turned, I have accepted the age!!! If really want to fault, it's you did not give me a chance to know you!!! All is about you trying to find out about me but you did not give me a chance to know you!!!

So if you give up, it didn't affect me much!!! But if you want me to commit my life, this apart of have to know you is still unknown!!! Things unknown can be frightening, you know?

Maybe it's too late or too early to talk about such, I don't know!!! It's like in the center of a hurricane of quietness and he has withdrawn all favour, and so I have no clue!!!

Life is as such, nothing yet has moved and I don't know and they don't know!!!

As for ex, he is just a friend. The few time I go back there was basically to take a rest!!! I need to recoup my strength to move on. Nothing about I have any feeling for him. That part has been washed clean and if anything is to happen, all the ugliness have to dig out to talk again and I am not going there!!!

Basically, he need to give me face as he need me to sign the transfer documents eventually!!! Glory Glory!!!

But I am at the point of panda eyes and my sleep is affected!!!

What a Week of Great Testing

This is moving into the 7th year of being tested by the devil!!!

This week, they come especially strong!!! From non-stop cursing to make me dumb so as cannot say prayer the whole of last night or rather it's early in the morning, after midnight.

But Lord is forever faithful!!!

I was made dull so that worship song cannot get in too but after 6am, Lord then opened my mouth for about 2 hours of worshipping!!! Glory Glory!!!

Lord showed to darkness it's not about them. What they wanted to do, but more of how much Glory, He wants to show them!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

The other evening I heard one of them said, 'Don't tell me, JESUS Christ is that Great!' If only they really want to know!!!

I have already stayed slightly over a year and receive everyday their curses, as they increases in strength and quantity but Lord is still Almighty!!!

If His Blood can washed Satan and the 1/3 of the angels that supported him from Heaven down to earth, surely, it's not a problem for Lord to send them to hell!!! But sometimes Lord using them to show man His Goodness!!!

We suffered for Righteouness sake!!!

But the more we suffered, the Greater the Blessed life as His Word and His Heavenly Law said that if our Health/ or whatever is stolen, by His Words, a 7 fold or a 120% restoration is coming our way!!! Glory Glory!!!

His Word is The Truth and Sharper than 2 edged Sword, dividing soul and spirits, bones and marrows, thoughts and thinking!!!

JESUS Christ is the Word of GOD!!!

John 1:1-5, 9-14, 16-18
'In the Beginning was The WORD,
And The WORD was with GOD,
And The WORD was GOD,

He was with God in the Beginning. 

All Things Came Through HIM,
And There was Not One Thing
That Came Into Being
Without His Participation. 

What Had Come in Him was Life,
And The Life was The Light of Mankind:

And The Light Shines in the Darkness,
Nevertheless the Darkness has Not Appropriated it.

When HE Came into the World,
HE was The True Light,
He Gave Light to All Mankind. 

HE was in the World,
And the World was Made by HIM,
But the World did not know HIM.

HE Came Among HIS Own People,
But HIS Own did Not Take HIM.

And so Many as Did Receive HIM,
HE Gave them Authority to
Become Children of GOD,
To Those who Believed in HIS NAME,

They Are Not from Blood
And Not from Desire of Flesh
And Not from Will of man
But were Begotten from God. 

And The WORD became Flesh
And Live Among us,
And we saw HIS Glory,

Glory in the Same Manner as
Only of FATHER, 
Full of Grace and Truth.

Because we All Took 
Grace upon Grace from HIS Fullness:

For the Torah was given through Moses,
The Grace and the Truth
Came Through JESUS Christ. 

No one has ever seen GOD:
The Only SON of GOD,
The ONE Who Was in 
The Bosom of The FATHER. 

That ONE Declared Him.'

If we would only know who He is, we would not be so ignorant spiritually!!!

The Breath of Life

I thank Lord that in my ignorance, He still take good care of me!!!

Do you remember my 2nd pregnancy years ago, there was no life in that pregnancy and in the end I had to do a DC, actually this also was a miracle by itself!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

That time I was a young Christian and had trusted Lord for a 2nd baby as Jc wanted a sibling!!! I was so happy that I tested positive and even at the clinic also positive!!!

But upon scanning, gynae said could not detect heart beat and told me to come a few weeks later!!! It still had no heart beat and in the end, my womb had to be cleansed and I waited a day to do in the weekend but the womb cleanse itself that day!!!

It wasn't pleasant to go through it but I am now glad that He did not give life to whatsoever that was formed!!!

I did not know I would be heading towards divorce and was still looking to make Jc happy!!!

I just listened to a impossible pregnancy testimony and I Realise that 'miscarriage' was a miracle by itself!!! I am glad to have just 1 child in the marriage that did not work!!! Both our parenting idea crashes so much the our arguments were all because of her!!!

As whatever she did in those ignorant years, they were all my fault!!! She till today can do whatever she wanted and if I say anything, I am being nonsensical!!!

To have one such kid under his influence is already bad enough!!! I can't imagine having 2!!!

So I thank Lord even I so trust in Him for that pregnancy, He did not give any soul to it that it wasn't a miscarriage at all!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

A Walk into Memory Lane

Last night got my brother's wife, D, to help me but some mandarin oranges and to collect from her this morning and also to pass to Jc some inner wear I bought for her.

As my tummy was still empty, I asked ex to let me into the house to take my breakfast, which I had bought!!!

I had totally disconnected from that house, it as if I was a visitor there!!! Out of curiosity, I tried a tiny spring roll that belongs to Jc but ex said I am not supposed to touch her stuff!!!

And yet, those coming against me was suggesting I shift back there!!! They even had the personel in charge of processing the Name Transfer out go on leave and so there was much delay in the HDB end.

They also suggest rented room for me. Somehow, they don't want me to takeover this apartment!!!

I waited and waited for cab but no cab for me. So decided to walk across to the other road for bus home and walked passed Jc primary school and all the sound and scenes still the same!!! But my girl has grown and has a mind of her own now.

It's more like she said it's her teenage life and I am not supposed to touch it!!! Her dad and her of the same breed and I am the outsider!!!

It's a past that left the traits but the mindset of the people has changed!!! Ex has played me down in front of her so much that she didn't care anymore whatever I said!!!

Man can bring a woman down by just what he spoke and the growing mind of Jc take shape in that is just amazing!!! Frankly, I don't have a clue about her!!!

What left between us is material transactions!!!

What kind of man we marry is really important!!! It either shape us up or down!!!! Depends of their personality!!!

That's why what left is just memories!!!

I thank Lord I have Him and my life is not bleak!!!

Those that checking my blessing was asking me how ready I am to receive my blessing!!! How am I to know? It's the Lord training me to reach His Goal, I won't know where His Standard is as He would never lead me into worries, so it's a step at a time!!!

I just have to wait for the next door to open and step in. It's still a step at a time!!!

The life of rest is as so, when the river reached the neck, it's up to Him where He is shifting me, I have no control of it!!!

Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

All We need is Time!

I praise Jesus that give me Grace to not bother about Jc blocking me!!!

I had on off spook the way of life and it pitfalls to her!! But like me, she does not take it as I said and even block me at one point her phone and her Instagram!!!

Recently she unblocked me from her phone!!! But still block me from Instagram. I guess my words now became true to her now that she unblocked me from Instagram!!!!

It took many months of letting her goes through her own tests!!! I am glad that even though she said that she hated me, she said she love me no matter what!!! And when I message her about it, she said teach me how to hate. :)

Glad that the Divorce is behind her and generally, she is enjoying life!!! Study still need some pushing but overall, she is well balanced!!!

I am glad that I might not be around her, but the Lord is surely with her!!! Glory Glory!!!

As Chinese New Year is approaching, but as she is not as into books as her cousins, she shy from them and do not want to see them!!! She rather spend time with her friends!!!

I used to push her much, but now I Realise they know how to go by their way, just at time give them some pointer of growth for them to work on. Glory Glory!! Amen Amen!!

Life now for me is generally ok, Chinese New Year will be about gathering at sis place!!! We didn't visit our relatives as usually this was what our parents did for their siblings!!! We didn't join them!!!

So I guess that just it!!! None of us mention about visiting relatives as we usually care about our own family only!!!

But being alone, I become part of no family group to call my own!!! So kind of standing alone!!! Thank God I have Lord with me!!!

I really hope Lord would manifest faster but I know His Way is Family blessing before Monetary blessing and working for Him!!!

I am just letting Him leading me step by step!!! He is the Light that leads my Path!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

A Burdensome Past

The cab driver yesterday afternoon helped me to recall the burdensome past that I had forgotton!!!

Like any well pampered youth in my growing years, I needed not do any house work and when I had Jc, my arms was too weak to carry her!!!!

Ex told me to continue carrying and my arms would grow stronger!!!

But going supermarket was always a unhappy time as upon returning, as there was no lift in that rented apartment, it was a heavy load of bags of purchase, Jc and her big stroller to carry up 5 levels and as everything were heavy, ex wasn't happy and I just have to be accommodating to share the load and we lived there 2.5 years!!!

Then we shifted to this apartment which now is his!!! At first shopping have to do faraway and usually we went as a family. We might not have eaten anything in the morning and when I saw food court, I suggested to go there for a meal first but ex liked to say always think of food, food, food!!!

After one trolley load of food and drinks, it just about he loaded the food and I to push the trolley back!!!

When a great supermarket with items that we need provided, going elsewhere was to purchase what it didn't supply and the load from those purchase become manageable!!!

But what I carried from that supermarket was beside the food needed for cooking, it's the soft drinks for ex, for me and for my girl. Per trip I would be carrying a 2 lit bottle of milk plus 4-5 other pet bottles of drinks!!!

Both my hands were full. Sometimes the load was too heavy that I cried to Lord for help to sustain me, to help me carry!!!

There was once I went further to shop and that rainy day, I slipped and landed on my bum but I lifted my bags of purchase up so that they wouldn't be destroyed!!! I had problem getting up from that slope and a kind lady helped me!!!

As ex like pistachios nuts, I would go with mum to the wholesale supplier to buy 2-3 kg of the nuts for him.

Life was so; carry and carry that I am so used to carrying!!!

The cab driver asked why I didn't use a trolley to lighten my load!!!

Partly I won't bring a trolley to church and partly I hardly use to them!!!

Somehow ex was in his delay transfer of allowance and did not want to reply mode!!! But by pressing him, he burst again!!!

And somehow the burdensome past floated back and I cast them to the Lord to clear the soul wound for me!!! They were all lonely labour of hardship that was not recognized!!!

Why I wasn't happy? I was the source of jokes for ex to condemn in front of Jc everytime too. They both would be laughing and it was no fun to be laugh at!!!

This was the married life ex did not regret but I regretted big time!!!

Why I found Seng sending of cab so comforting? It was the first time someone would give me attention in such a unexpected way!!! It was a love I long to have but never had before!!! That made it so attractive to me!!! And so comforted even though I had only met him once in 2012!!!

I am glad this past is passed.

And I will see how the future is!!!

Given Up?

No wonder at church like no large group of people tracing nor in mrt. And at taxi stand also no special arranged cab.

I just returned home and Lord told me you have given up!!!

Don't know why, even though I tried to hold my emotions so as not to fall crazily in love without a man but to hear from the Lord he has given up, I am down cast!!! Not a good feeling for me who guard my heart from hurting just in case it is an hoax!!!

Through the year, so many tricks were played on me that even sincerity could be a game on their end of pretendance, that when the Favour of cabs come, I dare not stretch out and let all go just in case it was an hoax.

But I love the attention given. To see all come to an end, yes, it does hurt me, but not as much as ex did!! As I yet to see you and I dare not let go my emotions.

As I am a woman and I need to respond to a man when my emotion is up!!! It's not easy to do that as, as much as I need you and want you, with you not turning up and I could not do it to anyone else, controlling my emotion is important, not that I don't want you!!! Just that I need to control!!!

You won't get it as you are not a emotional being but I am!!! How to love a man when I can't even see him and know him?

But if you want to let go, so be it, no point carrying on at this point, even though I want you very much!!! I need your presence, I need a real man!!!

Maybe it would be better when my body is renewed and I am highly blessed. Till that day come, if you not comfortable with the current me, I understand too!!!

What I goes through who could understand??? But I am not complaining and I just take it as a test!!!

It would be better if the Lord take me and I go be with Him but He wants me to remain to do His Job!!!

Well, till that day come, maybe the Fall Festival whom He yet to fulfill, till that day, when I am fully transformed, maybe till that day come then we see how things goes!!!

You will stay in my heart at the meantime!!!

Thank you for your care and concern!!! JESUS loves you!!!

PS: How I dream having you with me for the CNY, for the February 14th but alas, it just a dream!!!