Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Despair of the Moment

Lord Jesus,

After holding these statements for 2plus years, I want to cast the shock, the sadness, the bewildered to You. I don't know how to handle them. Lord, I casyt to You to handle! Thank You, Lord Jesus! In Jesus Name, Amen!

I have been practising walking in Grace for many years. In the face of all the falls of ex, I passed to Lord all the hardships and chose to forgive him time and time again. But his reply was always, 'Your forgiveness meant NOTHING to me!' This kind of hurts, shock, I never heard of and don't know how to handle, for so long, I kept the pain in me. Today I want to cast to Jesus once for all! Glory Glory!

In his fooling around with girls of younger age from late 20s to 30s, he always came back home and told me this, 'Now I am how many percent still love you and how many percent I want to divorce you!' How many of you could take such shit from your spouse? He told me about 3 times, all these were said during marriage, not during divorce!

After threatening me to choose between Christanity or him for the 2nd year, (1st year 1 time, and 2nd year 1 time) then he said, 'Now I give up on you! I will mov on with my life (aka look for other girls)!' This was when he shifted from dating girls in the dark to bring this behaviour to the light. He felt his right to do it!

Lord, for the hurts, the pains, the shocks from whatever ex had said and did, I cast them all to You! I don't know how to handle them. You help me remove them from my heart and my mind. I pray in Jesus Name! Amen Amen!

Thank You, Lord for the deliverance!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Abundance of Grace

Sometime, when we least expect in life, as we rush through each day of life, we usually though that we are alone. But nothing could be more true than that.

Yesterday was Jc flying to Cameron Highland, Malaysia. The flight to Kula Lumpur was 8:35am and school wanted the students to be at the airport at 6:30am.

Usually on a Saturday night, I could sleep around 3-5am, that means I could not wake up in time to send Jc off. I got her dad to drive her there and he was to pick Jc at 6am. As Ro is staying with him, she wanted to go send Jc and ex told me that I could not join them. As the week came closer to Sunday, I saw the Saturday departure of other students to Cambodia and a mum was there to take the photos to post in her kid's facebook.

My motherly instinct arose and I smsed ex that I wanted to go if I could get myself ready and Jc ready in time. Lord gave me strength and willingness to iron my clothes and Jc's on Saturday afternoon. Usually I will do a last minute ironing. With every preparation done, I asked ex if Ro was going. He replyed yes and I smsed 'I am going too'.

Praise the Lord, Ro did not come and I got to send Jc to the airport! Glory Glory! I took some photos of Jc and ex. As I wanted to take a photo with Jc, I asked ex to help me. But he gave me a straight NO. Alamak! A simple click and done he also unwilling to do! Yes, I know he only friendly when he need my favour. Anything else is a flat NO, since in marriage to now divorced. That's how much I know he didn't love me.

As the group check-in was taking much time to start, I left at 7:30am. I was reaching church 15mins earlier for the morning 8:30am service. As Terry Mize was coming to preach, I wanted to go to ROCK, to see him live. Lord blessed me and there were seats available! Lord blessed me a cental position seat! He knows what I want. :) Praise Jesus!

As I had about 3 hours of sleep only, I was knocking off as he preached but was fully awaken when he told us his testimonies. After waiting so many years, I finally got to hear the full version of he took a guy on his car and was robbed and shot at point blank with the gun pointing towards the middle of his eyes. It was super amazing how Lord delivered him and much Grace were shown in there. Glory Glory!

After the 5 shots, the robber loaded his gun again and got Terry Mize(TM) to walk 100m off into a corn field. He took TM watch, wallet, his money, car keys and wanted TM to remove his clothes. TM was in his underwear and the robber walked towards his car and told TM to stay put.

As the robber walked near the car, TM got angry with the devil and charged him to come back in the name of Jesus. The robber returned and gave him his clothes. TM took authority over his car. Robber said he had the gun and TM said he has the name of Jesus. The fact that the robber agreed was amazing!!!

Robber let TM drive the car and wanted TM to drive him up a hill. As Terry wanted to preserve his petrol, he stopped half way. Robber agreed and got off. He wanted to return to TM his items but TM given to him. TM even gave him the hair blower he had from the car boot. Then TM asked if ok for him to pray for robber to accept Jesus, robber agreed. The cute part was TM laid hand on his head, with him pointing his gun on TM side.

Then robber revealed his mum was sick and TM laid hand on his head and his gun pointing at TM again, TM prayed for his mum. Then they parted. It was amazing how Lord led TM to lead this robber to accept Christ! Sometime, we been through hardship, the Glory of Jesus could shine through to touch people's heart!!! Glory to Jesus! Amen Amen!

As his testimonies was so amazing, Lord led me to eat my curry pork chop noodle yum yum and went to the 2nd service to listen again. The 2nd service testimonies were even more amazing! It's about healing in the deep jungle and the way TM trusted Lord for the healing was super amazing!!!

After 2 services of soaking in Lord's Goodness, I was full and decided to go home. Lord is so Great!!! I have been thinking of having TM back at NCC to preach again and I got it. The last he was here, his testimonies was not completed and I felt cut off. Pastor Prince got him to share slowly and in details. Now I know why he need to preach long hours!!! From the amazing testimonies he had seen Lord doing, 1-2 hours was just too short for him to share them all. Glory Glory! Amen Amen!

Thank You, Abba for the Great Grace You have given me. Glory Glory!

Friday, May 25, 2012

The Heart of the Lord

Yesterday, I was in Jc rainbow counselling session in her school. What surprised me when I stepped into the classroom where they held the session was sitting in a round circle with the facilitator were a group of beautiful kids that look smart and well loved! But their lives was shaken so much to feel the pain and hurt of all that had happened in their parents lives.

Counsellor read out 2 letters, one from a dad, who had divorced the mum and another one from a dying mum. It was so touching that even the cousellor was in tears. A sweet girl was sobbing much, she lost her mum to sickness 1 year ago. She was crying so much when told that those who need a hug could go hug the cousellors. Many other kids were not ready to let go and they just sat there on their seats.

The counsellor told them they could go hug their parents. Nobody moved. I asked Jc to come to me for a hug but she did not want too. As I walked towards her and gave her a tight hug, the rest of kids saw and went to their parents too. Glory to Jesus!

I was so filled with emotions that I wrote this prayer to Lord:

'Abba Father, it's not the fault of the children. They are beautifully made by You. But devil caused so much pain in them. Surely, You are their beloved Abba and in You, they shall have joy!

Thank You, Abba! I love You! Thank You for sending Jesus to die for us at the Cross! Glory Glory!'

After writing this prayer in my note on my iphone, I finally calmed down. Glory to Lord Jesus! Amen Amen!

In order to see Jc's BBQ photos posted in Ro's facebook, I let Jc added Ro to her facebook. In the BBQ photos, I saw sad faces in her sons' face and wrote 2 messages to tell her how I lead Jc out and hopefully she could help her sons in this area. But instead of that, she got her sons to post silly smiley photo in her facebook to refute that.

In asia, a lot of parents still talk down to kids and expect them to obey and did not bother much about their emotions need, that faces were so fake that I realise she could not handle kid's emotion. This let me realise why Lord said Jc would be better to live with me than ex!!! Glory to Jesus!

We had a peaceful night walking along the riverway. But it was no fun to walk with ex, who was void of emotion and the whole night through Ro was messaging him so much that finally, he had to cycle Jc's bicycle to very far away to talk to her. We lost sight of him and whole group paused to wait for us to contact his where about!

This make me realise man is the head of the house but woman is the neck, controlling the head! Anyway, this ex is not the man I knew previously. His sharp and smartness was down the drain that mum agreed to me when I said he had changed so much down the drain!!!

Anyway, after being so nasty towards me, now he wanted to be a nice guy. Even when I told him that Jc had told me previous day about he going to kick me out of the house by end of next year, he ask if I told Jc this was agreed by both of us! Eversince divorce, he had mentioned this so many time that at each time of wanting to kick me out, I just trust in Jesus done a perfect work for me and Abba Father will not leave me to be chased out. I thank You, Jesus that had hold on to me to continue staying in here to meditate His Words. Surely, when the time is riped, He surely will shift me out of here. I shall not care whatsoever ex said!

The heart of the Lord is for the goodness of His People! Surely with His Return all will be made whole and well again. Glory Glory! Amen Amen!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Joy of the Lord

Ever since I knew ex's girlfriend, Ro's facebook, Lord has been giving me information of thing pertaining to building her relationship with P, to write to her. Glory Glory!

Jc went to Ro's family gathering aka late Mother's day celebration cum 2 of her twin sisters birthday celebration. Almost all the 9 siblings and their family turned up. Jc had great time playing with her eldest son and her nieces and nephews. It was such an enjoyable outing for Jc that she become comfortable with Ro.

Even though she hope that mummy and daddy could be an item, I told her it is out of the question. With this, she accepted Ro relationship with her daddy. This time round, ex took great care to keep Jc happy that she knew that he loves her and she is secured in this love. Glory Glory!

Sleeping time last night, I saw Jc in sad face and I asked her why. She did not disclose to me. But when I went into the room again, Lord came through to be the funny clown that kept her happy. She was too awake to sleep but I prayed to Lord, When Jc lays down, Jc is not afraid and when Jc lays down, her sleep is sweet. I also pray that blessing crowns the head of the Righteous and the Lord gives His Beloved sweet sleep. I also manifest the Lord's hand into her eyeballs, eyelids, eye socket, back of eyes, her brain, inner brain and root of brain, her thinking and her thoughts and also plea the blood of Jesus into them and around them. After these prayer, Jc finally slept peacefully. Glory Glory!

Jc had disclosed that Ro told her that I am sweet. She said she did not even know me and yet, I smile and greeted her. It's her way to say thank you to me. So sweet of her. I am glad that Lord brings her to ex to give ex the much needed love. Glory Glory!

Only Lord would know what each of us needs and wants. Through trusting Him, He came through to bless us. He did not just split me and ex. But He make sure that each of us have someone to love. Christian likes to say bible said cannot divorce. But Lord is not so stiff that the law must follow strictly, if you read the bible carefully, it did say if the union is between Christian and unbeliever, the unbeliever can divorce the union.

Lord knows we both need someone to love, as such, 2 persons who needed love cannot be a good match. He brings a sweet Malay lady for ex as Islam is about following law. She will not have a problem following what ex wants. Also, she is the only slim girl in her family of 3 girls, she disclosed to Jc. Haha...Lord knows ex love slim and pretty girl and He bless ex with one. Glory to Jesus!!!

Christianity is about the Grace and Truth of Lord Jesus. Lord will bring a Christian to love me. He could come out of His Child to show love to me. Glory Glory! It's the best for both end. Glory Glory! Amen Amen! He is showing Grace to Ro that in the end, both families will still be friendly to each other!

Jc used to complain that she did not have any siblings. With this new arrangement, Ro's 4 children, age 9 to 15, and my future offsprings will provide her with enough siblings to play with. Glory to Jesus! Ro's children are gentle and shy, surely they are the same kind that Jc could click with. Lord is so good to bring the right mix to her. Glory Glory!

With Lord blessing showing me more and more, I am happy to flow with Him. Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Grace that comes through

Lord is helping ex to get his girl. He led me to post a few messages to ex's girlfriend, Ro. With her facebook known, I did post about why Jc was unhappy about her daddy has a girlfriend and when explained that it's due to he and me still friendly, she wanted us together.

I used Jesus said love thy enemy to explain why we are still friendly, then told her then that once with him is enough, I won't want him anymore. I had to further explain that we did not know each other well before the marriage. That's why the marriage was a mismatch! Thank You, Jesus for Your Wisdom!

With this, she was happy and yesterday, her family held a BBQ party to know him. Ex was slightly uncomfortable with her having 9 siblings but overall, he is still generally okay with her extended families. Jc had a great time playing skating and cycling with her nieces and nephews. Her 2 older sons had met ex a couple of times and were comfortable with her. However, the 2 younger one, a boy and a girl still could not accept their mummy's new relationship!

Jc drew a wedding couple and showed it to me when she realised ex had called Ro, baby, a precious name that he previously used on Jc, Jc was jealous and felt that the daddy had shifted loving her to loving Ro! That night, she tried to tell me about she wanted mummy and daddy to be together. But I told her that even if all the men in this world are gone, I won't want to go back to her daddy. She was disappointed!

I told ex to let Jc know Ro now as examinations were over and holidays are approaching, more time for her to adjust. Ex drove her here to pick Jc yesterday afternoon and called her to walk to the open to let Jc saw her. Overall Jc like her and enjoyed the BBQ a lot!!!

Lord let me know that now things working out for ex and Ro, chances of he kicking me out of the house and take over Jc is very high. Jc is going to a Malaysia excursion with her school and back to Sweden to meet her dad's relatives. Thing will not be favourable for me after that. But all these Lord knows and have Plan B for me. Glory Glory!

I know what keep P away from me is a fat body and a weakness in strength. This is Lord's Plan A to let us stayed apart as He knows that ex and me are bad match. While Jc is asking me to get prettier! Haha...

With P's relationship with Ro getting stable, Lord is finally removing the fat spirits away from my body!!! Thank You, Jesus! He showed me a vision of cleansing all the fat spirits in my body! I am happy! Glory Glory!!! I am looking forward to get younger and renew in strength like an eagle!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

Now I finally understands what Lord is doing to me and keeping me away from unhappiness life! He is really a Good Daddy! No one on earth could take such deep details of my life and at each steps I walked, He leads me to His Goodness! Hallelujah!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen! Amen!!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Abundance Grace of Jesus!

Last week, in the thickness of disabilities, I was wondering how to access help from Jesus. Do not get me wrong, why I am wondering. This is because, in order to prevent me from praying against their attacks, the curse had turned into removing my basic ability to operate as a normal human being, the eating away of my wisdom and understanding.

In the thickness of these inabilities, I wonder how could I access God Grace to walk in His Freedom again. It is no help to call church too. Under such case, where I could not explain clearly my problems and I just told them I need prayer, the one who answered the call told me to pray myself first!!! If I could, I would not have called them!!!

I looked at this year, the year of abundance unceasingly fruitfulness, I looked at myself with sadness. But Lord is good! He got Pastor Prince to release His Words on how to access His Grace. With this, I am able to pray myself out of the attacks! Glory Glory! I could come back to Lord fullness again. Glory Glory!!!

Recently, Lord also let me release some Grace to ex's new girlfriend. It's the first time he put photos of his girlfriend in his facebook! Lord led me to message her twice to calm her down on the uncertainty of Jc's reaction to news of her and also the friendliness of my end. With the 2 messages to calm her, she produced a tart with a letter P for Peace! Glory Glory to Jesus! She gets all that I am telling her and flow in peace with this end now. Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!

Life is getting better with all these new leadings of the Lord! Jc also has come to her end of not studying for her tests. Glory Glory! Finally everything is moving ahead as what it could be! Glory Glory! Amen Amen!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Release of the Pend Up

I am so grateful that Lord raising up of Jessica Sanchez from American idol. Her rendition really could touch people's heart in the deepest!!! Glory to Jesus!!!

My relationship with my nature father wasn't a closed one. Even though he loved us, being an asian father, he never outwardly display his love. As such, the first hug I got was from ex and the first kiss was also when I grown up! That's why the department of love, I do not know much and found the wrong man in the end! But, in a way, I still appreciate this experience that now, I know what marriage is about and I do love my girl, Jc! Glory to Jesus!

When Jessica Sanchez (JS) sang the song 'Dancing with My Father', it was so soothing that my emotions were triggerred and I cried and felt the connection with my father even he is not around anymore! I know he is enjoying his life in heaven and I am happy for him! Glory to Jesus!

Recently, JS sang Jennifer Holiday's 'And I am telling you!'. Oh My God! Just after 2 rounds of listening, I was pouring out the hardest cry ever! All the pend up frustration, hurts, can you imagine? I tried to work out this marriage for years, but the end result were rounds and rounds of betrayals, and even I had casted all the pains and unforgiveness to Jesus and asked Lord to handle for me, the time to heal, the let go was not there. I did cry then, but it wasn't a full let go as Lord gave me the peace! Glory to Jesus!

When I listened to her Top 4 singing, JS was so full of frustration in her singing! So much so that the frustrations went deep within me, all the numbness I got when ex told me that my forgivenesses were not appreciated, this shock of his hack care attitude, finally was let go after listening to JS singing this 'And I am telling you'!!! After the let go, I felt the load off loaded!!! Glory to Jesus!!!

I do not know why some others could not get it and find her singing boring. Guess one need to quiet down and listen attentively to flow into the mood. For 'Dancing with My Father', I had to listen to quite a few times before the song finally hit me!!!

It is like God Words that came out of Pastors mouth. It depends on one's attentiveness to get the juice of the innermost! Those who give time to Him and sit down and listen to Him speaking to you will get all that heaven wants to pour onto you! That is why God Words never get old! At each time of pay attention, a different result speaks to us who are in need, to stand in faith for the deliverance. Glory to Jesus!!!

Lord promised in His Words that whatever we do, it all lead to Good! Glory Glory! Even from my distraction to follow American Idol closely, I could draw out God Goodness from there too! Glory Glory! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Thank You, Jesus!

I am so grateful to Lord Jesus intervention the more I know about ex's intention. Lord is so kind hearted that He don't want me to suffer much in daily life and in him having a evil heart! Lord described him as wolf under sheep skin!!! Glory Glory!!!

The more he revealed to me, the more I am grateful for Lord to lead me out in my ignorance! Glory Glory! Amen Amen! I am so happy to walk so closely to Lord Jesus to slowly glazing His Words like a sheep! Each small steps I walk, though it didn't mean much to me, but spiritually Lord is abled to rise up in me more and more.

Within these 5 years. Lord has risen so much in me that He could come through me as and when He wanted to speak to someone. Glory Glory! Amen Amen! Such anointing I am happy to be of much use to Him, the Mighty One! I need not worry about my next job nor my next meal. Each and every step are well planned by Him alone. Glory Glory! Amen Amen!

Now that ex confirmed his relationship with a Malay divorcee, I thought my intimate photos taken in early of our relationship should be deleted off from his storage. The main concern is I do not want his new girl to see them. But ex said that's for him to keep. This is not what alarmed me. What he said next was he could use them to blackmail me when I am rich is what appalled me!!!

With all these daily curses to get me out of here is still not enough! Giving him all the profit of this house, which now stands at S$300K++, is not enough. He wants to dig out as much from me as possible!!! I never know a man as evil as him. No wonder Lord wanted me out of this marriage!!!

He is telling his new girl that our divorce is dued to my crazy Christianity ideas.He hide himself so well behind all his lies. His decent face, naughty personality and good income, hides his real nature, the evilness of his heart.

Long ago, when I first know him, I was wondering why his ex left him till he could not trace where her about. Now I know it's better not to let him know about anything of me. The more he knows, he will try to lay his hand on them. What a lot of troubles I get myself into, but blessedness, I have a Mighty God with me, that whatever I did wrong, it will not be able to haunt me. He will not let me be shamed!!! Glory Glory! Amen Amen!!!

Abba Father, I thank You for all that You have done for me!!! I am very thankful for all Your Leadings!!! I know fully well that You mean well for me at each step of leading even though I might not understand and it might look bad in my sight! But as times goes, the truth is revealed and I could see clearly the truth of things. Thank You, Abba Father!!! Glory to all that Lord Jesus had done on the Cross that Grace and Mercy can flow freely to me!!! Hallelujah!!! Hallelujah!!! Amen Amen!!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Answered Prayer

As I wrote yesterday's post, Lord led me to a new understanding of how the union of ex and me came to an end.

That evening, we supposed to visit Jc at the outback camp. If we took the right path and met Jc, with Jc wanting both of us, and he considering if to take me again, most probably the family will come back together again!

However, Lord do not want me to suffer in this union again, so He led us to go for the wrong path and I had to walk that stone and sandy, uneven path with my heels. As night was also falling and we 2 rushing to find the way, my legs suffered much and I was tired, worn out by that 1/2 to 1 hour in the forested area.

I was breathing heavily and he commented he was physically not top notch but I was even worst. Guess this physical weakness, cum the weakening by devil did leave a bad impression on him that when he drove me back, he came to his conclusion that there are younger girls out there and I am his ex, his past....that's how everything ended. I knew hope was gone and from then on, I let go of him too....Heavenly door closed for he and me!

This is what  I knew and now confirming....Even though Lord Jesus died at the Cross for everyone, fellowshipping with Jesus is important if you want quick answered prayers. From the above of what Lord did for me, it's amazing! I did not pray for a deliverance of my marriage. What I did was at time, when I was bullied, I told Lord that maybe I should not have married this man! This was all that I had told Him. I did not pray anything else! 

However I did daily fellowship with Lord, listen to Him through the various pastors in NCC, and others as Lord led, read His Words, the bible, and meditates to feed my inner Man daily...just like Mary did, sit at the feet of Jesus and hear Him! I could show  you the difference from one who walks with the Lord and one who didn't from the bible. Look at the rising of Lazarus how Lord Jesus responded to the sisters Martha and then Mary in John 11:21 - 43.

Martha and Mary both said the same thing to Lord Jesus, John 11:21, 32 "if you had been here, my brother would not have died." See the response from Jesus!

For Martha, Lord Jesus told her the truth for her to believe. She was one that go around preparing food for Jesus and His Disciples when they went to her house. Even though she did a lot for the Lord, she was anxious and even blamed Lord for not caring for her and did not ask her sister, Mary, to help her. She represents those believers that look and talk anything under the sun but do not spend time with Lord.

For Mary, who had been spending time at Jesus feet and hearing Him, fellowshipping with Him, when she spoke the same words to Jesus, John 11:33 'When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." The next reaction from Lord was to head to the source of problem and resulted in a deliverance and Lazarus came alive again.

Mary did not pray for deliverance, like her, I did not pray for deliverance. I only told Lord my unhappiness. Lord is moved into compassion and wanted to deliver me out of this loveless marriage even though as human, I was blindly still holding it on. He knows of my obedience and led me out without my understanding. Now, 2 years had passed and finally I understood all that He had done for my well being. Isn't this amazing?

I would never know about the possibility of such solution but as I trust much the Lord and walk closely with Him and feed my inner Man daily, Miracles happened as easy as ABC. Don't you envy this kind of life? Where Lord is always with you and whatever you lacks, He is always the Answer!!! 

Just imagine, 10 years in this apartments, air con condensor need His Help to add the coolant and the air con valves needs help to quiet them, the fridge sensor and coolant need His Help too. He answered my prayer and I need not get the repair man!!! Glory Glory to all that He has helped me. Do you believe John 1:3 'Through Him all things was made; without Him nothing was made that has been made.'? I do!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Gay

This early afternoon, I was looking at Pastor Prince sermon in the youtube and was led to look at other videos about the topic of Gay. I realised that this is a big problem for them to get the society to recognise them and it seems to be a great shame that they don't know how to reconcile with God. There are so many videos on such that I realise that it is a big issue out there.

I guess, most problem we have with our body, doctor have some form of solution to it. But come to sexual preference, there is no medication out there that could revert this nature. People that is with this sexual orientation have to learn to 'deal' with it somehow!!

I am grateful that Lord leads me to learn about this sexual orientation personally. I did not realise I have any problem in my sexual orientation. It was in my mid 20s when I went Germany and Austria with my eldest sis and my brother-in-law, her husband. As we never been to a sex shop, we popped into 1 sex shop and I just took out a magazine on pictures of female private parts. I found myself sexually aroused just by looking at the picture. Anyway, sis was uncomfortable in that shop that I put the magazine back and we departed.

Years later, I fallen in love with ex and married him. It was when we had sex that I realised I did not have the sexual feeling in there. What I had was the degree of pain; from not so pain to very pain when not horny. Ex had been wanting me to bj him. However, as I had no feeling to his little brother, I rejected him many times. I told him his private part was just like a biological part to me!!!

As I was facing nightly attack that prevented me from sleeping then, I prayed in the spirit aka tongue, a lot!!! One fine day, as I was listening to Pastor Prince's preaching, Lord shifted my focus to look at his private part! This was not me as I am a eyes person. When I look at people, I like to look into their eyes to see their real emotion. This is me! I don't look at other parts of the body, so if you ask me what somebody wear, I won't know. So, I know this focus on Pastor Prince's lower body was the Lord!

At that moment, I automatically cried out sinful sinful internally. Then it stroke me in that moment that Lord had fully healed me! Shifting my sexual orientation in liking woman's private part to that of man's. Glory Glory! However, even with that, my inner sensation did not fully healed. I went through years from pain to sensitive, then from sensitive to numbness. It was the last sex with ex that I realised Lord had finally fully redeemed me that even when I was not horny, it was a pleasure and his dick became yummy. Praise Jesus!

This new sensation shook ex so much that his displeasure of me was fully gone!!! Glory Glory! Without me talking, he started talking aloud what I want in a man, but mainly should he come back to me again. However that evening, with partly missing our way in the forested area, he finally came to a conclusion that he could get younger girls out there even though I had no more sexual problem to satisfy him. With that, I know of my wanting of his return come to an end! Glory Glory!

Lord let me went through all these sexual problems to have a full understanding that when doctor could not, He can and He will. Glory Glory!!!

Devil could pervert the society and prevent man from coming to God, from fulfilling the reproduction promise, but their time is limited. Jesus is returning soon and all these problem will be rectify at the touch of His Abundance of Grace and His Sure Mercy of David! Surely, His Free Gift of Righteousness, the Righteousness of GOD in Christ Jesus will make man whole again! Glory Glory! Amen Amen!