The other day, thinking that I might be moving to the next phrase of my life, partly in joy, looking for someone to share, I called Jc to ask about her opinion.
Her answer to me is 'I don't know!'. Even to question that is it she don't want to see me anymore! Further question again give an answer 'maybe'. With so many 'I don't know?' And maybe not seeing me again, I asked her 'am I still your mother?' At first a soft 'yes' that I could hardly catch and on question again, she gave a slightly louder 'yes'.
She who is closer to man, her dad, looking at my possible future was thinking about if mum with another man that she no clue of, as she likes her dad so much, is an unknown future to her!!!
Previously when the dad brought the girlfriends to show her, it's more of she like or fear!!!
I am never an issue for her to let go as since 8 years old, ex had breathed into her that when mummy get out of the house, we will be together!!! So this thought grow with her through the years and now fulfilled, she got her wish fulfilled as she likes the dad more!!!
But she knows I will be always there as I am always at home or go to church!!! I was never not around the house, she practically had me with her most the time in those 4 years!!!
This divorce made her choose her royalty with daddy and let go of mummy!!!
I don't know how the future pan out for me!!! At one hand, she is my daughter, but the heart pain and rudeness of not taking my word seriously and believe every single word from daddy, to even okay to share food with her pet hamster, made me faint!!! I am okay of she giving a bit of her food to the pet, but not let the pet bite what she was going to bite or eat what her is going to eat!!! Her dad wasn't taught about higiene between human and animal is amazing!!!
But she is breathing so much in his freedom of life that my life is not attractive to her at all!!!
Maybe for future sake Lord is shutting this door!!! It was so much so that emotionally I don't feel much, even a tiny bit for her! But no matter what, she is still my daughter!
Lord promises that I will have 2 boys and 2 girls in this new union! Is it His Way of compensation me for losing this 1 girl to her daddy? I don't know! Time will tell...Lord did not let me move into regret as regret will open door to darkness!!!
I know how the spiritual realm shift as how we think or thought or feel or speak!!! I am not going to give power to the darkness to operand through this!
Well, I will just walk in the Path Lord provided and how this mother and child linking will cast it to The Lord to handle!!! Will I be so busy with 4 kids in the future that I forget her??? I don't know? In Heaven she is still linked by blood to me! Her dad didn't accept Christ, so he won't be there!!!
Guess I have to let this go and see how my relation works out with V. I won't mind if she will visit me or whatever, is still far fetch at this moment!!!
With her 'I don't know' and 'maybe' about not seeing me again, it seem only time will tell!!!
Any way, looking at Benny Prasad life, being condemned in family for very sick and can't perform in branded school to be like his dad, school rejected him at 15, to be broken down physically, no music talent,
but Lord led him to play a unique guitar, fly all over all nations in the world playing music and sharing the Gospel and his testimony, broke the shortest time around the world record! With just a starting of US$25, met many presidents and important people, even been to the coldest nation, the same teacher who condemned him praised him in the end!!! The embassy of Pakistan officer told him he would not get the Pakistan visa, had to process his Indian passport within 5min and Lord sponsored his trips around the world!!! He did not borrow, beg nor loan any money!!! He told Lord He wanted Him to do all that, He must provide!!! Lord is Faithful to him for 20 years!!! He is 36 from the videos I watched!!!
If Lord could do all that to him, He could do all that is needed to me too!!! After all, it is Him whom plan this life for me, I am just the willing vessel, sometime He took longer to convince me of His Plan, sometime, it's as easy as ABC!!!
Like the Plan for me and V, it was a hoo haa issue of my heart but His Grace and Mercy watered me down and down till now almost manifested time He gives me a heart of no issue!!! Isn't He amazing!!!
Those that I talked to, said God won't do such thing!!! They told me to join care group, maybe to shift to worldly issue!!! That's what I find of care group, it's about leader reconfirming what Pasters had shared in the pullpit but after testimonies and time to fellowship, it's about where got offer and what is good but etc, hardly about The Lord!!!
Guess they box Lord in humanly aspect! But Lord knows the heart of man and He knows what works and what don't works!!! Even about me and V, he told me I have the experience, what he desire is nothing new that I need to worry!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!
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