Life still goes on in this home of old. Even though it is not much of a change of me, but the new environment helps me to move on with life n not hold on to the past.
Jc came for an overnight n she enjoyed looking at my younger days n commented I looked like an air stewardess in my younger days, why I turned so ugly now!!! With what was attacking me, what to do?
I realised I in my suspicious, I had misunderstood ex. He honored the 4 yrs he promised and even give me 2 weeks on extra for compassion ground, which is good!
Only this unwilling to come place, Lord purpose let me be here to get tested even more! I know I live in no security of home as mum had told me all that about her! So I was not surprised when it happens.
But since Lord want them to see that I have nothing against anybody, I am prepared to be checked!!
But I treasured all that I have be it small or big but if things not mean to be mine, I just don't have the choice!!!
It's about check it all, even though I am a very private person. Just like long ago when I don't want anyone to see my home my privacy, Lord purposely had a bright sun shine that afternoon even though I prayed for fine weather. So out of no choice, have to invite the mums to my home to enjoy the air conditioning that they were amazed by what I lived in. This was a prelude to this greater test of bare all that I have to be seen!!!
Every one of us likes our own privacy! But Lord gets me to do the opposite! To bare the fullness of my soul!!! Who dare to walk such path? By His Grace that I am doing this! If Jesus in His Love for Abba, the Almighty God, willingly went to the Cross, this is a lesser will by Father God!
I don't know the intention but it's a fearfully agree to do so for His Sake!!!
Lord promised it won't be long! If the Jews in walking away had to endure the Holocaust, being naked, being killed, everything they had was ripped from them, this is a lot less cause that Lord putting me through! Only He knows the reason behind it! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!
I know in future I will have all the money to buy all that I want and cannot finish spending it even for the 1500 yrs, but it's still no joke to walk through this all!! That's why Lord never really warned me about moving here but waited for the last moment. I know there were signs as this is the only place available to me!!
I didn't know about 7+ yrs ago, when I prayed to Lord that I don't want my shitty life, and I wanted His Gloriously risen life, I have to walk through a greater shit!!! As if His Promised of I will have all that I want and much more left over can compensate anything. Guess I have to let go everything!!!
As you can see, if I could shit tears of blood I would go through it! It's asking me such a private person to open my door n allow all things to be touch, feel, see etc etc!!! It's this intrude of privacy that I have to let go n let it be done with!!
Abba, I need a Stronger portion of Grace to walk through all!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!
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