New Life

With the 4th year of my Divorce, finally recently, I have totally given up hope and no more hoping for ex back into my life anymore!!! It's not about giving him a chance or no chance. It's the end of having him at all. I am ready to move ahead. Finally, he is really is a ex for me forever!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

I am not sure what he is teaching Jc lately, I had been 'fighting' with her, to get her to study for her PSLE, but she refused!!!! She even called me an idiot for pushing her to study and thinking of starving to die or run away!!!

I have to let go and let her have her way. When I numbed myself to her refusal, she came to me with a photo flame that could contain 3 photos with the word 'family' on the top. She put a photo of she with her dad on one end and she alone in the middle and she with me on the right. Then she showed it to me.

I asked her what? Was it she wanted me n her dad together? Then she point to she is the center of our lives. With that, I pointed to the 3 yr old her in the photo and told her, this young her listen to mummy, but now, she fight with mummy.

Her friends in school are just not good!!! The one that called her twin sister was showing her bad examples!!! But she has gone to her dad house and hopefully she does some study there!!!

I don't know why I had this shitty marriage and this shitty ex that agreed with her any neighbourhood secondary is good!!! She also so happy with her so so Prelim result that she said that's good enough!!! I am going to faint!!!

In a way, I am happy that ex has the care and control of her!!! Even though as a mum, I care about her well being but if she prefers the shitty life, I rather shut my eyes and go for my own life!!! But Pastor Lawrence preached about don't abort our children!!! It's like God Timing!!!

He was 17 yrs old when his mum left without letting them, he and his sister of age 22, knew where she was going!!! If someone of age 17 n 22 could feel despaired over their mum disappearing, I better don't do such act!!!

With that, I cool down my coldness towards her and just accept her as she is. Not easy when her dad and I have different idea on her learning!!!

This is why leaving this union is a good idea!!! But Lord do not want me to abort her!!! He said she will come to me in future!!!

Mum is hospitalised again due to whole body shaking!!! But this time round I am unable to visit her!!! Even going to church I need lots of Grace and Mercy from the Lord to be able to go!!! That is how much I suffered lately!!!

This is part of the reason why I finally move ahead and do not want ex any more!!! That curse through that $100 dollars never really gone!!! Life is harder on my end!!! Thank God that I still have Lord with me. Otherwise, don't know how will I live!!!

Guess, when things get darker in my life, the Glory on the opposite is greater and approaching!!! Pastor Prince used to say, to know God's Movement in our life, just need to see what devil is doing and flip it over!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!

I thank Lord Jesus for all His Finished Work for me, with Him, He is my Redeemer, My Saviour, My Protector, My Shepherd and My All in All!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!!