My Beloved

My Beloved, My Love, My S.., is what abba father will usually address me. I am so glad that he love me so much! Without his love, I don't know how I am going to face this divorce.

Tomorrow I will be going to sign the paper. I don't know how I should feel? Listen to Michael W Smith worship song and then Prayer of Jabez did not calm me down. I had my lunch around 2pm, till now, I am still not hungry. Went to open the tidbits cupboard to see if I should eat something, but totally no feeling at all. Opened another cupboard also draw blank. In the end, I decided to eat some rum n raisin ice cream instead.

On seeing me taking my ice cream, P questioned if I am feeling down over the divorce that I need the ice cream to cheer me up? He had taken the whole family for a late morning movie, G Force, after that we went Marchie for lunch. Now that we are into divorce, all energy to draw love from each other were all gone. With the 2 of us no string attach feeling, lunch is an enjoyable one. P suggested that after divorce goes through, we should go celebrate. That's how happy he is towards this divorce. It's weird but since we are not in loggerhead, no vengeance to talk about, guess enjoying freedom is the next best option!!??

Last night, I was asking him to delete a picture taken during pregnancy, which I had a side view of my full term pregnancy. He asked me which one? Then I realised that after we were engaged, I did let him took a few naked pictures of me in different pose. At that time, he is going to be my husband soon, I felt okay for him to take. But now that we are divorcing, it become a No No. While looking at those pics on his PC, I realised how good looking and how thin I was previously. This 10 years of life, I had changed much that the current me is no more good looking, more like plain Jane.

Last night I finally realised why abba told me that he loved me for my body. In my younger days, I actually worry that I might find someone who love my body instead of me. The picture I showed to P was one with a thick winter jacket over my body. I did not want him to go for my body. The 6 months of virtual relationship did not get him to have a strong foundation of loving me as a person. When we met after 6 months, he loved what he saw. Now that I am no more that shape, no wonder he doesn't bother much.

Abba is so good, he told me that he is the creator of human beings. Surely his art work is good. He is doing an overhaul on me. He told me that by November, the new me will be the love of man and the envy of woman. Abba cares so much for me, he wants me to look good, whatever I lost, he wants to make it better than the origin for me! He said that I used to do my things alone. In future, I will not be lonely any more! No wonder abba wants to bring me to my future partner! Abba, thank you for caring so much for my personal well being!

Abba told me to listen to the Hokkien worship songs, Justified. After listening and worshiping, I shred some tears and finally, I am in my peace again. Abba told me to not bother about the current divorce, to look ahead to his provision. The happy life he wants me to have! Glory Glory!

Abba, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, thank you for being with me and path such a wonderful life ahead for me. The righteous and glorious position that you are placing me, the happy and joyful personal life that you are blessing, Abba, thank you for all that you have done in my life! Glory Glory! Amen Amen