The old self and the New Me

I found that many people tends to look to their own self and in the presence of the Almighty God, they tried their best not to sin. Even in those who knows Lord Jesus has taken away all sins, they still tried to walk righteous and be conscious about their behaviour. Today, Lord leads me to talk about my old self and the new me.

Since young, I just know that there was someone out there. I would talk into the heaven, up above the sky. I raised from a family with 2 elder sister, one younger sis, Su and my youngest brother. They are just a year apart from each other and the one next to me are 2 yrs apart. Due to our age pretty close to each other, we could play within ourselves. Grandma had a big house, my 2 other uncles and grandma lived in this childhood living. We could play hide and seek around the house as it was big with many doors.

Life was good except I had a crazy uncle. When he was in his wildness, hitting whoever he could find in the house, we would run to the neighbour house to hide. This went on till I went to primary school. Then we shifted to my mum's side grandma families. We shifted into the 3rd uncle house. We were the poorest family there. 1st and 2nd uncles both had factories. We were like the outcast in that place, living under the richer one and grandma always told us not to be naughty and to avoid upsetting the uncles.

My mum is the stronghold in the family. She pulled us together and told us not to look to others. What we could afford for ourselves is the best. What others have is not good for us. She grained this so much into us that whatever what others have, we don't bother.

We shifted to our 1st HDB, finally a home to call our own. We always have this feeling that our uncles look down upon us. But mum and dad would always be the humbled and peaceful people. They do not want to create trouble for anyone.

This is the life I grow up from. I was quiet, a loner, don't know how to play with friends in all my schooling years. My family prayed to the idol, kuan yin. In my secondary school days, whenever I had problem, I would pray to that idol standing in the living room shelf. Then one night, I found something pressing on my neck, chocking me, with prayer, I was freed. I had thought it was my sister but she was sleeping in the other corner of the bed. This is the first time I question the presence of “God”. I would reasoned, if there is God presence at home, I should not be disturbed. I questioned the existence of God and decided there wasn't any.

However, whenever I faced spiritual attack, I would still get my mum to go temple to “ask” for me. This went on till marriage, when I faced the darkness, himself. No amount of consulting different temples and “gods”, worked. I was in despair, if in this world any god that could help me. That was how I encountered Jesus and His wonderfulness.

Like a baby with knowledge ZERO about God the Almighty, I soaked in the words of Jesus. I was told God do not look to me, but to the beauty of Jesus. My faith is not mine, it's Jesus faith that I should use to trust for my deliverance. I was told there is nothing good about me. Looking to self is like looking to filthy rags. I am to look to Jesus, not to myself. It's how good Jesus have walked on earth and on the cross and I am bury in him. All my dungs were all judged in the body of Jesus and I am risen up with him, the Righteousness of God in Christ.

That was my initial exposed to the goodness of Jesus. That is where I rooted myself in Him. I do not care what I have or have not. Lord said I am to look to Jesus! From the initial mentally force myself to look into Jesus for everything I need, to now Lord in me fully that I know I am just a breath, all is about him and nothing is about me. It is all about looking to Jesus. How shitty or how good my life had been was not important. The importance is how Jesus had and have been for me.

As I focus on Jesus and not on myself, Lord rises me up his path of righteousness. He puts me on high for his purpose. It's all about him, his needs and his wants. As I let him come through me to do His needs and His wants, all my needs and my wants He satisfied.

When I am in my weakness, Lord in me is in His fullness. Glory Glory! It's this continue looking to Jesus that He in you will be risen up high. He will accomplish good works through you. Glory Glory! Others will see and thought how good you are, but it's all about Lord Jesus. His Finished Work! His Blood, His Life, His Strength and His Wholeness. Glory Glory! Amen Amen!