That day was the day of Hoping he would want me again was scattered to pieces!!!
As he concluded there were better choice out there and even this problem that he used to mind about me was gone, he after a evening of deep thoughts, decided to give me up totally!!!
We all know if a child is rejected totally, the effect on that child. But when a man, when even the very problem was solved and yet chose to walk off by saying greener pastures out there!!! The degree of impact on me was that damaging!!!
That's why I always wanted him to have me again, it's like unconsciously I needed him to validate my usefulness again!!!
I mean the job of a woman is to provide for the man. So I need to restore my confidence of my usefulness.
That is why no matter which guy who came along all these years, I always asked why you want this body?
That is why I always hope to get a restored body first before going for another man.
That is why I keep running away, as I was not confident of my ability to provide!
I always hope that a man would come and confirm wanting me so that I could be confident of my usefulness.
So I will not be going to man but want him, who hinted, to say he really want me and need me!!!
This is why by telling me he is there loving me out there don't confirm anything for me to feel secured!!!
Plus it's like people finger pointing at me, looking at me with a 'knowing' of something is all affecting me in the wanting too as I see myself not worthy enough!!!!
So with all that, I need Lord to show me where should I move from here!!!
Esther and the Prosecution of Jews really gives me the strength needed to stand strong to face the challenges I have foresaw!!!
Also, the ownership of this love, needed strong confidence of myself to accept it and to own it!!!
As long as I don't own it, I have no right to speak into his life!!!
Even though through the story told by my friend, I know this guy quarreled 4 years with his dad over something/someone that the last ridiculous accusation had made the father lost hope for the son!!!
It's by the Grace of JESUS that joined the pieces of the story together to get a clearer picture that they tried to put forth!!! And the strong anxiety that they presented, let me realised it has something to do with me!!!
And finally through the revelation as I wrote, the issue about the dad wanted him to accept the arrangement of marriage had led them quarreled for 4 years!!!
(PS: if they had 4 years of disagreement, means the quarrel started in 2011, Lord said he encountered my blog in 2008 and went back to read 2007, practically he is with me, unknowingly, all along!!! And by the end of 2008, things started to happen to ex and then to me!!! Wow!!!)
(PS: if they had 4 years of disagreement, means the quarrel started in 2011, Lord said he encountered my blog in 2008 and went back to read 2007, practically he is with me, unknowingly, all along!!! And by the end of 2008, things started to happen to ex and then to me!!! Wow!!!)
Through the quarrel, his deep love for me and wanted me so much was revealed! That's why many knows about I am the topic of the disagreement to the extend of sexually was talked and their views of me was a rotten woman!!!
The degree that the rest griefed about he wanting me is what made me realize the degree of his believe in all that I have written through the years!!!
I was having no confidence of myself but this man holds so tight on me that the jealousy of me by the rest is presented to me loud and clear!!!!
But before I realized it, I was wondering why are they treating me that way when I have done nothing!!!!
But when the Truth is out, with the help of Lord, then I am amazed in the trust he has committed to me!!!! Suddenly as I took responsibility on this love, I am able to speak into his life to redeem the contention and bring Peace to the situation.
I thank Lord for being the inbetween!!! Without Him, I won't be able to know what is the behind scene when I was not involved nor know about it.
My friend uses her family to paint the picture of the contention about marriage cert witnesses name about brother getting uncle to sign but she forced brother to let dad sign because it rightfully should be so but the marriage cert bearing the uncle's name and had to be altered etc!!!
How to link that to me??? Only the Lord could!!!
Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment