A Burdensome Past

The cab driver yesterday afternoon helped me to recall the burdensome past that I had forgotton!!!

Like any well pampered youth in my growing years, I needed not do any house work and when I had Jc, my arms was too weak to carry her!!!!

Ex told me to continue carrying and my arms would grow stronger!!!

But going supermarket was always a unhappy time as upon returning, as there was no lift in that rented apartment, it was a heavy load of bags of purchase, Jc and her big stroller to carry up 5 levels and as everything were heavy, ex wasn't happy and I just have to be accommodating to share the load and we lived there 2.5 years!!!

Then we shifted to this apartment which now is his!!! At first shopping have to do faraway and usually we went as a family. We might not have eaten anything in the morning and when I saw food court, I suggested to go there for a meal first but ex liked to say always think of food, food, food!!!

After one trolley load of food and drinks, it just about he loaded the food and I to push the trolley back!!!

When a great supermarket with items that we need provided, going elsewhere was to purchase what it didn't supply and the load from those purchase become manageable!!!

But what I carried from that supermarket was beside the food needed for cooking, it's the soft drinks for ex, for me and for my girl. Per trip I would be carrying a 2 lit bottle of milk plus 4-5 other pet bottles of drinks!!!

Both my hands were full. Sometimes the load was too heavy that I cried to Lord for help to sustain me, to help me carry!!!

There was once I went further to shop and that rainy day, I slipped and landed on my bum but I lifted my bags of purchase up so that they wouldn't be destroyed!!! I had problem getting up from that slope and a kind lady helped me!!!

As ex like pistachios nuts, I would go with mum to the wholesale supplier to buy 2-3 kg of the nuts for him.

Life was so; carry and carry that I am so used to carrying!!!

The cab driver asked why I didn't use a trolley to lighten my load!!!

Partly I won't bring a trolley to church and partly I hardly use to them!!!

Somehow ex was in his delay transfer of allowance and did not want to reply mode!!! But by pressing him, he burst again!!!

And somehow the burdensome past floated back and I cast them to the Lord to clear the soul wound for me!!! They were all lonely labour of hardship that was not recognized!!!

Why I wasn't happy? I was the source of jokes for ex to condemn in front of Jc everytime too. They both would be laughing and it was no fun to be laugh at!!!

This was the married life ex did not regret but I regretted big time!!!

Why I found Seng sending of cab so comforting? It was the first time someone would give me attention in such a unexpected way!!! It was a love I long to have but never had before!!! That made it so attractive to me!!! And so comforted even though I had only met him once in 2012!!!

I am glad this past is passed.

And I will see how the future is!!!