Abused?

This evening mediate is the saddest for me.

There was once my mum ever told me, "you were the happiest kid when you were young, but now it's not with you anymore!!!" After I heard it, I didn't know how to answer her too!!!

I looked at my younger days photo and I always had a smile on my face but looking at myself, that smile is gone!!!

Tonight, Lord reveal the years of tolerating to ex, has mould me down to nothingness!!! It's like for the sake of peace, I let him had his way and in the process, I lost myself till I don't know how to get that smile back to my life!!!

Tonight, Lord reveal that even his mum he also took advantage, other woman, he won't respect much, too selfish for me to take him back!

Yes, in this quietness of living for 10 months, without Jc coming here and thus not seeing him and talking to him, I found stressed and super negative feeling when I encountered him at his home and the recent 2 communications. It was so negative that I felt like vomit blood talking to him!!!

This quietness let me experience the difference!!! Previously I was so used to the way he talk that I did not feel so!!!

It seem like a lot undoing need to be done!!! Oh My Abba!!!!!

In this end of test, Lord is finally talking about my life more clearly!!!

He said He will send a man to lead me back to my natural self again!!!

I thank Abba is such a Kind and Loving God!!! Without Him, I don't know how lost I am. I thank Holy Spirit for taking Good Care of me!!! I thank Lord Jesus for the Finished Work that surely through Him, all my lacks will be fully be restored again!!! Amen Amen!!!

I thank Lord for letting me think He is reconciling me with ex to surface all those negative feeling out from the deepest of my heart!!! Glory to Jesus!!! Amen Amen!!!