My Life

I decided to write one more post to show you when life is bad, it's not so bad actually!!!

Young time, when I went kindergarten, for no reason, I would fell down and cut myself!! Much too often till mum said, 'don't know how you walk flatten road that you could fall!!!'

At the same time, I had a uncle that would wanted to beat my grandma for his mental illness. If grandma ran off to neighbour house to hide, he would come with metal rod to try to force our bedroom door opened, I was still very young then, yet to attend kindergarten! So I was fearful of him!!!

When my family shifted out of that house, he came to where we were and hoped to find us!!! Those were the fearful time of all of us!!!

Then around teenage year, spirit came pressed on my neck that I decided not to believe the idol, my parents believe as it did not protect me! But even so, I have this knowing that spiritual problem still have to rely on God!!!

In my 20s, I encountered a few events of bad happened to me and my soul that I went into depression that I looked scary to my colleagues as I smiled to cover my inabilities while they took that smile as crazy!!!

So, many looked down on me! But there was some colleagues that emailed me positive outlook to life and also, there was a male colleague that showed special care and my family also always voiced cares about me!!!

Devil was pumping very negative thoughts in me that he told me I was a outcast and cannot fit into the society!!!! At that time, I was wondering if I should kill myself!!! But, everytime, when I had such thoughts, I would also think of 'if I die, my parents and siblings will be very sad' and in order not to break their hearts, I decided to live!

Then I thought I was already at the rock bottom of darkness, I won't get any woser!!! So, the only way was to climb out of this dark tunnel! And I believed 'I will see light at the end of the dark tunnel!!! So every negative thought I changed to positive before accepting into me!!! I used 2-3 years to get out of that!!! When I was out, I became very positive!!! Glory to Jesus!!!

I know Lord was with me all those years as He did speak to me. Even twice when I was face to face with approaching car, the car stopped for me to cross the road!!! I had came out between buses!!! The car driver would not had seen me but Lord preserved my life!!!

Even though my depression didn't kill me, I faced stress that bust my brain when I tried to think deep!!!

I was not confident of marriage but ex said what's there to worry as his side of the family also had their problem. That's why he gave me lots of assurance that eventually, I married him!!

Well, even though I had to faced the PC every day, as he faced it every day too, out of no choice, I had to be like him!!! Originally I was just living the life he wanted and catered to all his diet and need!! When Jc came, then quarrels began as every problem about Jc, was my problem! I got all the blame and all the I must do this and do that!!!

This is why I appreciated Grace of Jesus so much!!! As I was weighed down by all his laws that he even tried to twist illogical events to his logic!!! That's why Lord said I don't know what is true love!!! Basically life under law is hard to live!!!

Then satan came to disturb me!!! As parents Chinese temple, the person that let the spirit used her body died and for one year, I had no choice but to suffer the nightly terror that punched me to prevent me to sleep! But when parent's temple found someone to hold the spirit, I only could get one day of unreal peace!!!

Subsequently, I went to different spiritual outlet to get my help but Lama n Fengshui said nothing wrong with my house!!! Those that said had problem could not help me clear all!!  Eventually as I wonder which other God I could go to help, 'Jesus' was whispered to me!!!

With Christ fear and intimidating spirit was gone!!! But came the spirits that tried to kill me in which ever ways possible after Lord tested me to stretch me emotionally till the end!!! Lord tested me for one year I think, but spiritual attack came from 2008 till now!!!

So, all those years of endurance from one case to another are all for me to endure even more!!!

When Lord said it's ending soon, I find myself finding relieve even in the assurance!!!

It wasn't easy to go through all these but I thank Jesus I need not go through what He went through!!!

So, when you went through any hardship, it wasn't that hard to go through if you see all that I had been through!!! May you find comfort even in suffering!!! Glory Glory!!! Amen Amen!!!